"True [Stupid] Crime Stories" joke
A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false police report after he called 911 to report... his own murder. The man told the operator he had been "murdered, beaten, possibly kidnapped and thrown down on a bed of spikes." Police found the man a short time later, still on the convenience store pay-phone he had used to make the call. "It was obvious he hadn't been murdered," said one of the arresting officers.NO... WE'RE JUST GLAD TO SEE YOUTwo wildlife collectors were caught at a Texas border crossing when Customs agents found snakes in their underwear. The men had tied the snakes into pantyhose and stuffed them into their groin area to sneak them across the border from Mexico. Customs inspectors noticed the bulges were wiggling and ordered the pair to drop their pants. The inspectors found 14 snakes - including a boa constrictor - hidden in the men's pants, boots and pickup truck. The inspectors say they suspected at first that the men were smuggling narcotics... but in the words of one investigator, "drugs don't move around like that."SAFETY FIRSTFour masked gunmen entered a bank in Jackson, Mississippi armed with automatic weapons and pulled a daring daylight heist. The bank's armed security guard didn't intervene to stop the robbery... because he was too busy hiding in the bank's bathroom. The guard told police that when he heard people in the bank screaming, he went into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. Jackson police declined to criticize the guard's actions, noting that he could have been killed if the robbers had seen him.WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL IT "DOPE?"A man who showed up at the Knoxville, Tennessee, police department for a court-ordered safe driving class never made it - he ended up in jail instead. Police say the man was killing time waiting for the class to begin by smoking a joint in the police station parking lot. A passing police cadet smelled the odor of marijuana and approached the man's car. When he spotted the uniformed cadet, the man backed out of the parking space so quickly he almost ran over her. The man drove out of the police lot...parked at a bank across the street... then returned to the police department property for traffic school. He was arrested instead. Good news for the luckless motorist: he wasn't charged with a drug offense. The bad news: he was charged with aggravated assault with a vehicle.OUR EXPERTISE IS FREE. AND YOU WILL BE TOO...IN ABOUT TEN YEARSA pot farmer in Franklin, Tennessee was undone by his ego, a roll of film and an alert employee of a photo store. Franklin police commander Larry Barnes explains: "This old boy had these nice plants growing...and he took some nice 35-millimeter shots to show to his friends." Unfortunately for the suspect, one of the photo experts at Wolf Camera & Video recognized the plants in the pictures and made a call to police. Officers who searched the man's residence found a well-equipped indoor pot-growing operation set up in one of the home's closets.OH. WHEN YOU SAID 'CLEAN IT,' I THOUGHT...
An alleged drug dealer was arrested in Vero Beach, Florida after he took the wrong bag to the cleaners. When a worker at the store opened the bag he found, not laundry, but three pounds of marijuana.DON'T WORRY MAN... I THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING A group of drug smugglers hatched aplan to empty the tank of a propane truck and use it to smuggle six thousand pounds ofmarijuana across the border from Mexico into Texas. Though clever...the men were not toobright: they were caught because they misspelled the name of the gas company they hadpainted on the side of the truck.NOW THAT'S WEIRD...A woman in Bulls Gap, Tennessee reported to police that she was assaulted at her home by a man who struck her twice in the head with a dead squirrel and pushed her into a bathtub.BET HE HAS TROUBLE FINDING THE TV REMOTE TOOA Conyers, Georgia man who bought a used Mercedes convertible then reported it stolen found out that the car was equipped with one extra acc
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